A self-deprecating Hoodie

As i sit here looking at my Vloggerheads page trying to muster the words to write this blog, i can't help but think that,

I'm tired,

I'm tired of looking at this page,

And I'm tired of looking at this web-site

I spend to much time here, its almost like an addiction, I have to log in every day,

recently i've been checking the chat room for familiar names, a small group of chatterheads that i like to converse with, some are in my country others are not, but unless they are in there i don't chat at all, plus my typing sucks.

I have joined 35 Vloggerhead groups, some of these i started, but i very rarely go to them, the groups get old real fast.

I have 19 Blog posts (not including this one), but unless you have a title that captures the eyes of the other "hoodies" you might only get a few comments, and you have no idea of just how many people have actually read it because there is no view count like on the videos.

Well, my videos, there are 119 120, the latest one is up-loading right now, i was tagged to do a video about my favorite song, the song that i chose was You Know Your Right by Nirvana, a song that seems to be in-sync with my emotion state of mind most of the time, and as it happens right now.

Lately i haven't been motivated to make any videos, i would normally jump on almost any band wagon that coasted past just to get another video online, but lately, i just can't be bothered with it, i made two videos based on George's "abduction by Aliens" but i really had to force that out and only because George mentioned me in one of his Human videos, if he hadn't of done that i most likely wouldn't of made those videos, Grifter's Epilogue, should have been prelude, that shows just how with it i was with that one, and Grifter goes after George and Alan, both of which i filmed on the fly at 4am in the cold, i had no idea how to end it so i just did the whole passing out thing, once i had put all that together and up-loaded them i looked at it as a precursor to a series of videos that i was thinking about doing the day before, which is why i changed my picture, the videos would have heavy CGI work and it would take a long time just to do one of them, i had such a great idea for them,

Basically i would up-load the first video to Mediafire then send someone in my friend list the link in a private message with a script, that person would play out the script and then play the video they downloaded from mediafire, and then would start a 10 episode series of videos, each video up-loaded somewhere different, sometimes on Vloggerheads other times on Youtube, and at times just a link to a web page might appear in a blog, i was really getting in to this idea, but over the last two day i just lost all motivation to do it, i was even going to film the last video in the States with a fellow hoodie.

Maybe i'll continue that later, when i feel better.

I think the reason I'm writing this is because i just wanted to write something and this is how i feel right now as i type, it's 6:18 am, and soon i'll turn off my Mac, and go to bed, in about 5 hours i'll wake up and turn on my Mac, and in doing that i'll log into Vloggerheads.

Last week i spent so much time in front of my computer that when i had to leave for work on Friday night and i had to do a lot of walking, my legs started to hurt, i had aching muscles in my thighs, i'd sat down so much during the week that my legs hurt when i walked,

I don't know,

Why am i writing this blog instead of going to bed, i think i need time away from Vloggerheads for a bit, i need to not turn it on, i need to stay away, but as long as my Mac is on i'm going to log in.

I've been very irritable lately, getting pissed off with people who think there being funny, by repeating the same joke over and over and over, people i like, but wonder why i fell the need to chat with them every fricking day, is that sad, answers on a post card, another reason i think i need to get away from it all is,

Attachments, no not those files you glue to an email, is it safe to have feelings of a fellow vlogger? a vlogger who may or may not live in the same country, and may or may not feel the same way, but who you thought did at one point past? I've said to much.

As i sit here writing this blog, i wonder, is it long enough? should i fatten it up a bit? should i even post it? was it just an excise in writing? did i just need to get it off my chest? should i throw my Mac out the window and go back to loving my television? maybe i could start playing video games again? or........

Not such a long blog this time, personally I'm disappointed, but there you go,

I'm reading a book called Bird by Bird, Yes i'm still reading it, and the Author, Anne Lammott, said that you should do writing excises, i guess the last few blogs have been just that, i've just been writing what was on my mind, but then it all helps right, i get shit off my chest and i better my writing skills at the same time, which if you think about is like a muscle, you have to train it, and give it a good cardiovascular workout, so right now my brain is doing a 10 mile run, and i haven't even started to breath heavy or broken a sweat,

Its now 6:56am so i'm going to up-load this blog and go to bed, nighty night.

Regards,

The incoherent Hoodie

~Jay~